Dear Sister-in-Christ:

As a True Christian, I have devoted my life to undermining the so-called "faith" of people who do not exhibit fealty to my very own. Indeed, I employ every opportunity to inform those who do not accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, such as Jews, Hindus and Muslims (and even Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and Mary Worshipers, for that matter), that they are "deceived" believers in "false gods" and are "going straight to Hell." (By the way, I adore your "pit of fire" graphically sadistic touch in doing the same, dear!) Indeed, I find with so many non-Baptists lurking about, a trip to Neiman Marcus is no longer just about the joy of shopping when you can rebuke half of the shoe department between selections!

When I come across someone who has rudely embraced a peculiar faith that is not an exact facsimile of my own, I thrust into their seemingly reluctant hand a Christian Chick tract, replete with amusing cartoons that degrade their so-called "heritage." As a Southern Baptist, I try to do this with extra vigor on their so-called "Holy Days," to underscore my unbridled contempt for their so-called faith.

As such a vigilant True Christian, I can certainly understand someone who doesn't wish to sit back and allow others to simply believe as they wish, dear. Indeed, the Internet is full of True Christian websites that take time to bring people the Good News (that they are going straight to Hell) – more often than not, with the most garish and gothic relish.

However, since the people to whom you are referring apparently run a website that rudely questions the more arcane precepts of our faith, I do as all True Christians must do when faced with dissenting opinion or logic, I scream "CHRISTIAN PERSECUTION!" I'm sure I am not telling you about a tactic you haven't already resorted to numerous times, dear.

So close to Jesus, He hates all the same people I do,