"You see," says Betty with patience that never betrays her annoyance at her Savior for postponing the Second Coming - again, "Baptists hate anyone who does not take the time to be exactly like us --- not because we are afraid of missing out on the fun --- no, no, no, but because we love you enough to fix the Lord's careless errors and re-create you to conform to our, more exacting, specifications."

This is why Betty started her ex-gay ministry BASH: Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals. "Although the so-called former-fairies always --- I mean, good gracious me, always --- lapse. Baptists still try to use the sweet love of Jesus to BASH them every chance we get. As long as we can convince everyone that being a homo is just a silly choice --- like picking a vulgar tie after one too many Manhattans --- then we can successfully marginalize fruits as humans. Besides, pairing off ex-homos with ex-lesbians provides artistic husbands to women who become flummoxed when arranging flowers, picking complementary fabrics for lining drapes, need help when it comes to choosing furniture or throw pillows, or have historically ruined otherwise suitable outfits by slipping on the wrong pair of shoes. So, let's not quibble about all the ex-gays running off with each other to get married in Toronto to an Episcopalian bishop!"