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As any Baptist will tell you, a mind unfettered by its own so-called "ideas" is ripe for Republican and Biblical indoctrination. "I take advantage of the traditional inattentiveness of people who have passed out on a sisal carpet after their seventh Cosmopolitan to treat gays to the cathartic powers of medium voltage electro-shock mind cleansing," says Vivian Freep, George W. Bush' biggest supporter. "I'm telling you, next to a warm walnut-husk colonic, nothing cleanses you out better than losing your mind. That way, these fairies can't remember if they are running around town yesterday as a prancing queer or a butt-scratching normal person. And by the time they wake up, Marge and Heather have removed everything that might tip them off. Praise!"
After Vivian has removed the poison of liberal individualism by setting the alarm radio to Rush Limbaugh, the TV to FOX News and splaying Ann Coulter's novels Slander!, Treason!!, Rape!!!, Murder!!!! and Yeast Infection!!!!! on the gay's new Marge Davis driftwood and treasure chest coffee table, she turns her eagle eyes to the closet.
"After seeing the clothes in most homo's condos," observes Vivian, "I can understand why they are all in such a rush to get out of the closet!"
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