BASH is showing wonderful results! Betty Bowers is turning the tithe on these horribly arch homosexuals, teaching them that an ability to discern subtle differences between 2,700 shades of tawny-taupe cannot alone be effectively parlayed into a Godly existence. And although it may win approval of other haughty, shallow, alcoholic homosexuals here on earth, it will hardly impress St. Peter in heaven to be told:
Girl, if you think these gates are "pearly" you've done way too much shopping at outlets! I mean, HELLO? These are a tish more opalescent than pearly. Certainly, no pearls I'd wear! *
Mrs. Bowers is leading these aesthetically-overloaded lost lambs back into the bosom of our Savior Jesus and is using a method as old as religion itself - coercive torture.
Sister Taffy, who is helping Mrs. Bowers said: "Sister Woman, I have to say, I just know the Holy Spirit is in the room with us watching each and every slide!" Sister Taffy was referring to the slides that she shows as part of BASH's treatment to lift the shackles of perversity off these hyper-groomed men. The therapy is ingenious! Sister Taffy shows a series of slides of graphic sexual acts to all these hair-dresser/florist types. When a slide depicts two (sometimes more!!!!) men together, an electric current generated by Sister Taffy's vacuum cleaner is run through the men's genitalia. When the picture shows a normal Christian, married couple engaged in normal procreative activities (fortunately for all involved, these slides were not visible, as the lights, of course, are never "on" when a Christian woman is undergoing the godly submission to the ungodly marital act) a score of girls from Betty Bowers' Christian Crack Whore Ministry services each of the men as positive reinforcement.
Mrs. Bowers asked Sister Taffy if we have any NEW Ex-Gay people yet who could speak at services and appear in fundraising mailers. Taffy responded, "Now, Betty, this can sometimes take YEARS of therapy." Mrs. Bowers told her this can't be so, as a person's decision to be gay is obviously as casually made as Dora Denkins' choice of shoes, and that Sister Taffy has two weeks to deliver ten of them or Mrs. Bowers will find someone who can.
The wonderful thing is that these effeminate men WANT to change! When Mrs. Bowers asked Sister Taffy, "Have we seen ANY change in these misfits?" Sister Taffy replied: "Yes, Betty, and by the way you look beautiful in that Jil Sander number, I've noticed that several of the men - especially those who wear those leather pants and hats - have complained that the voltage is way too low."
See? Even they want to be saved! Hallelujah! How great art He! Call me, Mrs. Betty Bowers, about licensing the use of some of these Ex-Gays for your next revival or fund raiser just as soon as they are available in two weeks!
