Mrs. Eunice Oakley, of Glossop, England: Me little angel 15-year-old Roland ingested 'bout three 2-ounce vials of gamma hydroxybutyrate last night after coming off a fierce roll on X at one of those bloody raves 'e always goes to. By the time 'e got 'ome, I was making bangers and cabbage for 'is dad's breaky. 'E was about to fall out and vomit on my new orange and purple floral-swirl carpeting. The Council would 'ave gone balmy! 'E looked as drunk as a monkey, 'e did. What an owdo in the morning! Crikey! I screamed at me daughter, "Get 'im some crystal! Get that eight-ball of Tina from 'is dresser upstairs!" Right off, 'e was alright – if a bit edgy – but I blame all of this on 'im seeing that wicked American woman Lucy making it seem like it was funny and all to take too much of a mood-altering substance. Those bloody Americans and their crazy drugs are just poisoning our children's minds they are. (sobbing) 'E even told the Bobby that 'e thought it was bloody Vitameatavegamin 'e was scoring in the loo at the club! Damn that woman! (Translation into American Baptist)