Mrs. Eunice Oakley, of Glossop, England: My little angel, 15-year-old Roland, ingested about three 2-ounce vials of the illegal drug GHB last night after already doing way too much ecstasy at one of those awful raves he always goes to. By the time he got home, I was making sausage and cabbage for his father's breakfast. Well, Roland was about to throw up all over my new orange and purple floral-swirl carpeting. We live in British public housing, so our home already has roughly 287 colors and 94 patterns in its decor, so I certainly didn't welcome Roland's phosphorescent addition! He looked quite drunk, even though I knew it was simply the drugs. But, Lord, it was quite a sight to see that early in the morning! I quietly informed my daughter, "He's about to slip into a coma. He needs just a dash of methamphetamine to bring him to. I believe there is quite a bit in his dresser upstairs." Well, that seemed to do the trick. But I am livid over this! I blame all of this on him seeing that wicked American woman Lucy Ricardo making it seem as if it was funny to take too much of a mood-altering substance. Those disagreeable Americans and their crazy liquid drugs are just poisoning our children's minds! (Angry) He even told the police officer that he thought it was that darn Vitameatavegamin he was buying in the bathroom at the club! Darn that woman! (Translation into British white trash)