HOW TO SEND A MIRACLE CARD Sending this card may be a miracle, but you have to work with Mrs. Bowers, dear, and be bright enough to follow the directions. With Mrs. Bowers' cards, if you don't obey the rules, they don't get sent. This might seem strict, but bear in mind that if you don't follow Jesus' rules, you do get sent -- to the belching furnaces of an everlasting Hell. So, on balance, it isn't really too onerous an arrangement. Since Mrs. Bowers is so sublimely puritanical that there are many things she doesn't even tell herself, she won't know the content of your card and since the cards are stored in a non-indexed directory, only you and the recipient will know how to find the card. This directory is also pretty secure from Satanic spammers, so send your lovely and thoughtful Miracle Card knowing you will not end up getting mail for penis enlargements (well, that is, any more than Concerned Women for America already send you, dear).. After you have completed the card, you will be shown a preview. If you are going through manic-depressive cycles and find that you do not like the card you, moments before, selected, you may edit it and then send it, or just cancel the request. The recipient will receive a charming e-mail advising where to find, if not salvation, a lovely Miracle Card. STEP #1: PICK A PICTURE Please select a picture from the list below by clicking the small, round button in the Italian leather colored box to the right of each image. Remember: greed is a sin, unless you are writing the tax code. You may only pick one picture per card. If you wish to see a full-size image of a picture, just click on it. (It will open in a separate window, so don't worry about closing it -- you won't lose any information.)

STEP #2: NAME AND E-MAIL INFORMATION In the boxes below, please enter both your and the recipient's name and e-mail addresses.

Your Name:
Your E-Mail Address:
Recipient's Name:
Recipient's E-Mail Address:

STEP #3: SELECT YOUR TEXT AND BACKGROUND COLORS Using the two selector pulldowns below, please select your text and background colors. As a precaution against the often inartful color preferences of heterosexuals, Mrs. Bowers asked some of the boys in Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals to devise a palette that will go with any tasteful decor.

TEXT COLOR Negro Amalfi Twilight Bowers Violet Dusk Aubergine Prada Cerise WASP Blood Terror Cotta

BACKGROUND Caucasian Taupe Desert Taupe Italian Taupe Beige Taupe Linen Taupe Putty Taupe Tawny Taupe Taupe Taupe

STEP #4: ENTER YOUR TITLE & MESSAGE In the box below, please enter your message. Please feel free to use HTML to express yourself because Jesus will ignore it anyway!

Card Title
Your Message

STEP #5: SIGN YOUR CARD Please fill in below, how you would like to sign your card. Examples would be (than add your name):

In Righteous Rebuke, Saved by the Bile of Ann Coulter, Your First Lady, Laura "Pickles" Bush

STEP #6: PROCEED TO PREVIEW OR START OVER You are now ready to preview your Miracle Card! To do so, just click on the PREVIEW button below. If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder and need to clear the form and start all over from scratch, select START-OVER. Your Miracle Card will not be sent until you press the SEND-CARD button on the preview screen, dear.