Dear Mrs. Betty Bowers,

I am in desperate need of your Divinely inspired advice.

I know all too well the importance of the proper apparel for the proper occasion. And while I have nowhere near the Heavenly selection you yourself have at your disposal, I just never seem to have your blessed fashion sense.

For instance, what do you suggest for occasions such as abortion clinic bombings? I always seem to be over-dressed, or in the case of that one horrid incident, (that Cindy "slut" Simon never passes an opportunity to crow about) which shall remain shamefully nameless, woefully underdressed.

Please, I am in desperate need of your high connection to Christ, and your saintly fashion sense!

 

Desperate and Dowdy in Dallas