Dear Lucky Girl:

A woman has many intimate choices in life. How far to let that infernal electrolysis beast at the spa burrow beyond the panty line? Go with French cut or a sheer low-slung silk bikini? Douche or wing it with perfume through Friday and hope for the best?

The decision to dispose of a potential money-making adoption-item is not such a choice. Let me make something very clear. I am absolutely, totally against abortion now that there is the Mrs. Betty Bowers Christian Adoption Superstore! Mrs. Betty Bowers Christian Adoption Superstores will be opening at outlet malls throughout the country starting this summer! With their designer pink and baby-blue décor, wide aisles and convenient drive-through window, they will provide a cheerful place for young mothers to trade in their messy little mistake for a nice wad of clean cash! Barren or simply busy heterosexual, married couples can wander the Plexiglas display cases for the adoption-item they can pass off as the fruit of their own loins. Then, they can enjoy a lovely cup of latte at the in-store Mrs. Betty Bowers Christian Coffee House, while trying to arrange for the substantial loan from the Mrs. Betty Bowers Christian Bank representative to finance their fabulous new purchase.

So, you see, your timing couldn't be better! Mrs. Betty Bowers Christian Adoption Superstores will guarantee handsome fees* for adoption-items that pass our 45-point quality inspections. (I regret to say that if your adoption-item is of mixed race, I can't get you cab fare, so don't waste either of our time by even bothering to fill out the lengthy application.)

Call me, Mrs. Betty Bowers, and "Turn That Illegitimate Tender Bundle Into A Legal-Tender Bundle!" (SM)

* All customers of Mrs. Betty Bowers Christian Adoption Superstores act as sureties to guarantee Mrs. Bowers' brokerage fee(s) and a UCC lien attaches to the adoption item until such fee(s) is paid in full.

So Close To Jesus, For My Birthday He Is Surprising Me With A Lovely Meteor Shower (try not to be in China/Burma/Laos/Cambodia/Thailand in January),