Dear Reader In Christ's Blood:

So many readers have written to me about contentious relationships with their assigned Guardian Angels, that I feel that I must speak out on this topic. While I know that God had the very best intention in starting the Guardian Angel program (giving loners in Heaven something, finally, to do), the whole system is thwart to problems.

To my mind, having seraphim trail you 24-7 amounts to little more than supernatural stalking! Let's face it, familiarity breeds contempt and my erstwhile guardian angel (a short woman who had lived in Ecuador in the 18th Century) spoke with such atrocious English that it became very frustrating to even pretend I was listening to such a poor, ignorant apparition. And she was constantly wearing this filthy bowler hat and a poncho with simply the most shocking juxtaposition of shrill colors - I was absolutely embarrassed to be seen with her at séances! After several months of studiously ignoring her - and even taking the time to learn some Mexican so I could say "no mas!" - thinking she would take a hint, I had had quite enough. I had her dismissed and never regretted that day. I am pleased to say that Jesus took my list of grievances about the woman so seriously that He immediately sent her hurtling straight towards Hell, where, no doubt, her indiscriminate style of dressing will go unnoticed.

I encourage all of you who are having problems with meddlesome or annoying Guardian Angels to similarly dismiss these celestial Peeping-Toms. Believe me: you will thank me.

So Close To Jesus, He Brings All My Plants Back to Life When I Forget to Water Them,