Dear Equestrian in Christ:

I must admit that your letter gave me a start, dear. But, looking on the bright side, it is refreshing to finally see someone sing the praises of the sexual characteristics of a female horse.

As with any passage in the Bible, you can get out of it if you know how to work it. To be honest, I don't know another fundamentalist Baptist who adheres to even as many passages as I do, and that is not many when the day is done. But interpretations that exempt oneself must be done deftly if we are to leave those passages intact should we wish to condemn someone else. And, trust me, you will. For example, none of we Baptists would dream of following any of the Leviticus laws (can you image what the neighbors would say if I started sacrificing animals in my lovely home or caterer a party without shrimp?), but this doesn't mean that we haven't left Leviticus fully enforceable should we need to condemn an ungodly homosexual. Are you following? You see, Biblical interpretation is trickier than you might imagine.

So, let's look at the passage relevant to this issue, which happens to be in Leviticus. This particular section of the Bible is the one most often ignored by Christians, so we are off to a good start!

Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself.

Leviticus 18:23

I have some wonderful news for you, dear. Leviticus was written before the time of urbanization, when most people had farms. The bond between a man and his livestock could mean the difference between eating and going hungry. To we who live in fabulous high-rises and dine at of-the-moment fusion cuisine restaurants, the importance of the relationship that a man might have with his cows or goats may be lost on us. Nevertheless, Leviticus is obviously underscoring this sacred bond of trust by clearly requiring that one not prevaricate with one's livestock. And the price for telling an untruth to a farm animal is quite high:

And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

Leviticus 20:15

Now, before you take umbrage at the animal being slaughtered over the man telling a fib, note the language used. The words "lie with a beast" (not "to a beast") obviously contemplate some collusion in the mendacity by the beast itself. And it is important that even livestock learn that lying is rather impolite and will not be tolerated under any circumstance (other than getting out of a social function thrown by people beneath your social strata, of course).

So, it seems that Mrs. Bowers has been able to help one more person to use the Bible to their advantage. And, really, isn't that what Bible study is all about?

In conclusion, just as long as you don't lie to or with your horse, you will be fine. In fairness to her, however, you should read Leviticus to her. Otherwise, she may feel inclined to compliment you on your sexual performance and wake up the next day as glue.

So Close to Jesus, I always ask for a "table for two" even when dining "alone,"