Dear Misguided Impoverished Person:

While I do fret about how hard it will be for men to get into Heaven, as a woman this is of only passing concern to me. And, truly, having suffered the company of men and their talk of sports and, well -- sports -- in this life, I can't say that I will actually miss most of them in the next.

With regard to your nettlesome question, I too found the bit about it being harder for a rich man to get into heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle appallingly exclusionary! While Mrs. Bowers is not about to let any task, no matter how seemingly gruesome, come between her and her Lord, just trying to squeeze a camel through a needle (even allowing for the post-Biblical convenience of a food processor) would have a battalion of animal activists all over you! Fortunately for both of us, I prefer to think of the Bible as a "living" document, capable of nimbly adapting to the perplexities of our post-modern world, and thereby allowing us to indulge in any exigent cravings that may present themselves. Nevertheless, as a Fundamentalist, I must interpret the passage literally and without regard to logic. Therefore, I now interpret the "Camel to pass through the eye of a needle" remark to speak to the perils of smoking unfiltered cigarettes whilst sewing. Don't do it.

I feel quite comfortable with this interpretation, as the accumulation of vast amounts of money and lovely Louis Seize commodes appears to be, not merely an incidental benefit, but the very goal of most major Christian organizations. Indeed, blind and adulatory faith in the lovely things that legal tender can purchase appears be a theological precept upon which Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, the Pope and I all unflinchingly agree.

So Close To Jesus, I always drive in the HOV lanes,