Dear Sister in Christ:

While my fabulous, but damned, Manhattan hairdresser Henri is in the habit of referring to all matter of beast or fowl, regardless of gender, as "she," I assure you that this alarmingly hellbound homosexual tic has not poisoned my otherwise saved Christian prose.

I do, however, regret your moment of understandable apoplexy. It is just that I am so Christ-like (except He is a passable size 10, whereas I am a perfect size 4), that sometimes when I am writing about what God either says, does or thinks, I effortlessly slip into the first person. This quirk hardly sets me apart from most of my Christian Fundamentalist brethren so it usually goes absolutely unnoticed. It is, in any event, almost totally unintentional and seldom leads to any substantive theological changes -- although it often results in stylistic flourishes that only improve the underlying message. While God's native tongue is, of course, English, He is so used to speaking in the imperative that He sometimes finds it hard to finesse the more mundane declarative, to say nothing of the subjunctive.

So Close To Jesus, I Am Verily Awash in the Blood of The Lamb (you should see my dry cleaning bills!)