Dear Mrs. Bush:

Mrs. Bowers has a hard and fast rule when it comes to fashion that draws blood: don't. While this rule does not, of course, apply to new pumps, it does apply to being impaled by sharp objects. While Mrs. Bowers is noted for being Christ-like in every respect (except dress size), I simply must cause the verisimilitude to fall just shy of having a lovely silk skirt pulled and gathered on a splintery cross or having my body pieced. While I see nothing technically wrong with sporting a stigmata (even though they are very Catholic in their ostentation -- and never suit those with a Winter palette), actual objects that are driven through flesh (with the sole exception of diamond stud earrings in excess of 1karat) should be limited to sish kebabs and satays, dear.

As Mrs. Bowers would never attend anything as barbaric as the cutting of human flesh, the issue of appropriate attire would never come up. Nevertheless, if your social calendar is so dismally desolate that you would entertain the notion of attending such an event, you should, of course, dress appropriately. While I don't usually encourage my readers to take their fashion cues from unsaved women, I think you should consult with a Jewess about putting a suitable outfit together, as they are used to going to people's homes to witness the ripping and tearing of human flesh each time a baby boy is born.

So Close To Jesus, I Can Stop By Without Praying First,