Dear Confused:

I watched with a deep sense of satisfaction over how we Christians were industrious enough to be able to turn Cassie Burnell's tragic death into a profitable cottage industry. There were books for sale; there were videos to buy; and there were plenty of donations to be taken! Our fabulous flare for turning tragedy into manna should surprise no one. After all, the very basis of our Christian faith is using someone else's death for our own advantage! I was particularly proud how the story of what Cassie actually said metamorphosed depending on the particularly needs of the Christian organization looking to take your VISA or AMEX. What started off as an eloquently simple "Yes" soon became a more useful "Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ and in tithing MORE than 10%." Praise the Lord for necessity's license!

I am now utterly incensed that the local police are throwing truth into the colorful brew of profitable folk legend by saying that they doubt the exchange (regardless of length) ever took place! And just when the dear girl's parents are about to cash in on her memory with a book! Surely, if what I read it true, that those parents had to put up with years of unsavory Satan-worship (to say nothing of the gothic, unflattering clothing styles those morbid Wednesday Addams-types prefer), the least they should be allowed to do is make a few bucks off her death! Compared to all the pieces of gold the Catholic church has accumulated as a result of a simple crucifixion, is it too much to ask that these parents get a timeshare in Myrtle Beach from paperback rights?

So Close To Jesus, We File Joint Tax Returns,