Dear Reader:

Actually, I only refer to Donatella facetiously as "the widow" because she has played the part to death at every cocktail party in town for several years now. As a Christian, I am not entirely comfortable pointing a perfectly lacquered finger at anyone for turning the death of someone else into a raison d'être, but making an ocelot thong/cocktail-dress in fuchsia fun-fur is hardly tantamount to turning water into a lovely Sauvignon Blanc -- much less taking away the sins of the world.

But, in any event, you should never scoff at incest. It has always been part of God's plan. Look no further than that odious Adam & Eve family. How do you think they had grandchildren? If God had wanted families to keep their hands off each other, He would have created more people to chose from -- or made everyone look like Bob Barr. Instead, God liked the idea of familial familiarity so much that He killed off everyone on the planet just so that Noah's family would have no option other than to have sex with each other! Once the flood waters receded, there was an orgy of cousin groping not witnessed again until the discovery of a place called "West Virginia."

By the time Jesus was born, incest was so rampant and his siblings so ugly, that Jesus taught everyone to "make enemies of your own household" (Matthew 10:36) and not even take a wife (1 Corinthians 7:27). Perhaps, an over-reaction, but you can understand His point. Indeed, Jesus told everyone who would listen "if you have to make love to someone, go for the neighbors -- just as you might do yourself." Of course, this has been mistranslated. But to lovely effect.

So Close To Jesus, I'm His Webmaster,

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