Dear Reader:

Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, was the one who encouraged Ruth to sneak into Boaz' bedroom to "know" him after he had boozed it up all evening. I don't know the Hebrew, but the English word for this is "pimping." In doing so, Naomi has much in common with a modern-day Naomi (Judd) who uses the greater talents of a daughter to get ahead. Now, speaking of getting a head, I'm not certain your interpretation of the Bible is accurate, dear. While Ruth, being the type of mercenary tramp that so routinely populates the Bible, would, no doubt, have performed any sexual shenanigans Boaz had requested, I'm not certain she performed oral sex on him. In any event, this would not be noteworthy. While oral sex is not really "sex," and therefore not limited to even-year anniversaries in a Christian marriage, it is a rather onerous undertaking that can gerrymander the careful contours of any lip-liner and should, therefore, be avoided regardless of marital status. (Although, I am told, its liberal use can be rather successful in effecting a state of matrimony.)

In any event, Ruth is far too typical of the loose moralled sluts who fill the pages of my Bible. While both God and Jacqueline Susann apparently believe that the inclusion of sluttish harlots enhances the marketability of their books, I simply cannot recommend either author to Christian families concerned with the moral upbringing of young ladies. Louisa May Alcott was able to tell a moral tale for girls without pandering to seamy sensationalism. Would that I could say the same for our Blessed Lord's literary efforts. If you wish to have your daughters introduced to salacious "sex kittens," let them listen to Brittany Spears. In contradistinction to our Lord, her words carry no weight at all -- and nobody has every accused her of ever creating anything.

So Close To Jesus, He's Seen Me Without Make-up,