Dear Reader:

The Crouches have certainly made a name for themselves with wildly theatrical touches not normally seen in Christianity outside of a snake-handling or the Catholic Church. With the production of this cheesy movie, it seems that they have now crossed the indiscernible boundary into more patent showmanship. Once again, we witness how quickly the holy would Hollywood.

You know me, I won't countenance an unkind word about a fellow sister-in-Christ. Nevertheless, I must say that I would be reluctant to spend $7 that could end up being squandered on yet one more 45 pound lavender Pentecostal wig that sister Jan seems so inexplicably draw to purchasing. When I visited Paul and Jan in their Orange Country gilded rococo shrine to their bad taste and the gullibility of Americans everywhere, I had a most unnerving experience. After descending the main Louis-Seize/Bordello grand stairway and taking in their Viva Las Vegas inspired décor of interminable vulgarity, I made my way to their ladies room for a surreptitious vomit. Regrettably, I found that Jan Crouch's penchant for gild knows no limits. When I looked up at the ceiling, I was surprised to see that it was made of polished gold, allowing a reflected view of the goings on in each of the other stalls. After witnessing Jan Crouch enter the adjacent stall, remove her Marie Antoinette wig, place it on the coat hook and proceed to relish a rather prolonged poop, I knew it was time to leave TBN studios, never to return.

So Close to Jesus, Mary Refers to me as "Yoko Bowers,"

Read a True Christian response to this epistle