Dear Lost Soul and Practitioner of a False Faith:

While I would never encourage a Christian Lady to knock anyone down [with two exceptions: (a) Satan; and (b) If you are at the Neiman Marcus "Last Call Sale" and anyone stands between you and the last 70% Off Size 4 Prada], it is difficult for me to muster sympathy for the unattractive, so we will let your small transgression pass without further comment.

In any event, that hideous woman, who, no doubt, had been compelled by little more than the knowledge that there was "free bread" to be had at the front of the church, did you a favor. "Rosaries" are vehicles for Papist False-Idol (Mary) worship. More importantly, they are typically the very cheapest of costume jewelry, sporting stones not worth digging up from the dirt, that no respectable Lady would use to complete an outfit. You are best with out them.

As for the pearls, your inability to worship in the presence of quality jewelry should be your first indication that there is indeed a rather serious problem. I suggest an immediate pilgrimage to Tiffany for a cure. PRAISE!

From His Lips To My Keyboard,