Dear Mr. Stinson:

While some lesser Christians marvel at the Lord's boundless imagination in crafting the outrageous stories in the Old Testament, for my money, nothing beats the wildly off-balanced rantings of Revelation when it comes to realizing that being created in God's image explains the prevalence of Thorazine and Prozac! ("And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men. And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions." Revelation 9: 7-8)

Tell me, dear, does "The Sign of Jonah" reveal exactly what drugs were taken before Revelation was written? One knows, of course, that they were extremely strong (most likely an opiate that would curl the pigtail of a Chinaman), but I have tried to replicate the recipe (purely for spiritual reasons) for my Bible Study and after each attempt, when we finally come down, we turn to each other and say, "No, that wasn't it." Any assistance you can render in this regard would be most appreciated (including ingredients and reliable contacts for supply of same).

So close to Jesus, He was Best Son-of-Man at my wedding,

P.S. There is absolutely no reason to share this e-mail will my husband or pastor. Thank you.