M E M O R A N D U M
From: Robert S. Mueller, III, FBI Director
To: Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian
Cc: Beverley LaHaye, Concerned Women for America; Phyllis Schlafly, Eagle Forum; Gladys Kravitz, Concerned Women for America; Coretta Scott King, Martin Luther King, Jr. Center for Nonviolent Profit
Re: How to spot a Middle Eastern terrorist

The FBI shares your outraged concern about religious fanatics who aren't Christian. Because the Bureau specializes in generating after-the-fact paperwork, we already have the answer to your question: "What would one of those filthy, annoying potential terrorists most likely look like, dear?" After viewing over 18 hours of surveillance camera tapes from a convenience store in Boston and a "Chadors & More!" shop in Amman, a Bureau sketch artist has generated the following composite of what a typical male from the Middle East looks like. Please keep it in your expensive handbag, next to your firearm, for reference.
Vogue Saudi Arabia: What is the natty terrorist wearing this season?