Landover Baptist Academy for the Saved

FINAL HISTORY EXAM

CLASS:  History of Liberals Ruining America

TEACHER: Your Parents' Choice for all of their Real Estate Needs: Mrs. Marge Davis, Realtor®

DIRECTIONS: This is a three-part test concerning the Founding Fathers of this Christian country who are currently being lapped by the relentless flames of Hell for sayng things that offend this country's more particular Christians.
PART ONE: The first part of the examination involves reading quotations from these wig-wearing demons to see if you can get past even one of them without projectile-vomiting your breakfast onto your computer screen.   If you manage to read all of these Dark Side utterances without being physically ill, there is no need to proceed to Part Two, as you have already failed this course.
PART TWO:  After reading each vile utterance, wipe the vomit of righteousness off of your chin and click under the historic blasphemer who uttered the quotation for which he was damned to Hell.  Whether you are sure of your answer or not, remember to scream "I rebuke you minion of Satan!" while making each selection.  
PART THREE: Print out this page and draw pointy tails, horns and looks of excruciating pain on each of these evil men's faces. 

1. "Whenever we read the obscene stories [of the Bible], the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we call it the word of a demon than the Word of God." 
2. "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."  

3. "The United States of America should have a foundation free from the influence of clergy."  

 
4. "As to Jesus of Nazareth, my Opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the System of Morals and his Religion...has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present dissenters in England, some doubts as to his Divinity."  
5. "During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What have been its fruits? More or less in all places, pride and indolence in the Clergy, ignorance and servility in the laity, in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution."   
6. "The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion."  
ANSWERS:  1 (Paine); 2 (Jefferson); 3 (Washington); 4 (Franklin); 5 (Madison);  6 (are you so hopped up on Ritalin you don't realize there is only one letter left?)

Welcome to Jesusland*! (*formerly the United States of America): Shocking Tales of Depravity, Sex, and Sin Uncovered by God's Favorite Church, Landover Baptist

A spiritual enema with every flip of the page from Mrs. Betty Bowers and her friends at Landover Baptist.

ORDER THIS BOOK
Oh, my! Betty's new book "Welcome to Jesusland!" is out!

CLICK HERE
Godless
Godless
Draft Young Republicans

Home | Betty's Politics | Sign up for Free Newsletter | Write to Betty

Landover Baptist Home Page

© Mrs. Betty Bowers 2000-2008 All Rights Reserved