Homosexuals. CAUTION: The depictions of Sodomites are not for your youngest children (4 and above only), those unduly titillated by enormous, engorged penises, those who have just eaten chocolate or have hamsters or other small pets.

Mary Worshipers. In this riveting tableau vivant, an inebriated, frail Pope wearing a fussy taffeta off-the-shoulder vestment embroidered with gaudy pagan talismans, swings like a pendulum in a leather sling while a giddy bevy of naked altar boys (who are placed strategically behind Catholic graven images of their Goddess Mary to protect the public from their outrageous indecency) stuffs peeled-grapes into whatever opening swings by. Note: Polish interpreters will be present, but are discouraged for children younger than 25.

Kennedys. Located between the Mary-Worshipers and the Democrats rooms, the Kennedy Hallway of Shame offers a transitional display of sundry unsavory types, such a bootlegger, Gloria-Swanson fornicator and swindler, Marilyn Monroe killer, secretary drowner, babysitter molester, drunk rapist and an unsightly person who has allowed himself to become alarmingly obese.

Democrats. The worst Demon-crat of them all, Slick Willy, who is responsible for the many shortcomings of the current GOP administration, will talk about how much he hates America and reel off a list of his illegitimate half-black babies – while a Disney Imagineers-created robot in a cheap blue dress and a fluffy black wig languidly bobs up and down in his corpulent lap. CAUTION: Not for visitors who are sensitive to loud noises or may be offended by the extremely salty language (or lack of undergarments) featured in the Ann Coulter automaton, which brays loudly enough to drown out the distortions of Lie-beral Bill Clintax.

Abortionists. CAUTION: Not for those wearing silk garments or visitors who otherwise don't wish to be sprayed with a mucus-like liquid.

Liberals. This multimedia exhibit will feature digital DMV photos of people who have voted for a non-GOP candidate in the past 72 months, as culled from voter records in all states except Florida (as these records proved incomprehensible to software consultants from IBM who were hired to program the exhibit). Visitors will be encouraged to visit the NRA kiosk to lease/purchase items that may be pointed at the flashing images of ungodly LIE-berals, which will make this room a truly interactive and therapeutic experience for even the youngest of visitors.

Feminists and other Lesbians. Starting with Eve, this 360-degree diorama depicts how disobedient and ambitious women have been the bane of both God and civilization throughout history. Special attention is paid to the Golden Age of Christianity, the Dark Ages. That is when the vainglorious feminist Mary Goldstein, Jesus' mother, began appearing on every shiny surface to impressionable Catholics in a successful attempt to hijack her very own Son's religion, leaving Him to turn for adulation to Protestant denominations, which pointedly preach that a woman should remain mute and modest (unless she happens to run a multi-million-dollar television ministry for His glory. Praise!).

People whose maddening presence in Glory would make it impossible for Heaven to live up to its name. This is, by far, the largest display, taking up all 38,450 square feet of the top two floors of the building and is devoted to the many people who are generally annoying to the Lord Jesus and/or Mrs. Bowers.

Included are:

Men with unshaved back hair that persist in wearing tank-tops;

Tommy Hilfiger and anyone who has ever owned an item bearing his name. CAUTION: this room is not suitable to hyperactive children or anyone else who tends to be over-stimulated by the juxtaposition of loud colors;

Former sitcom stars that write autobiographies;

Professional widows;

The corporate consultant who first suggested replacing the entire Customer Service Department with a voice-mail labyrinth;

People unable to don an article of clothing unless it prominently displays someone else's name (for clarification: the red stripe inlay on the heel of Prada sport shoes is not considered a "prominent display");

People who think just because their U-Haul unloaded in Manhattan they are suddenly somehow more sophisticated than the bumpkins they left behind in the bucolic town in which they grew up and received their dreadful education;

People whose cars sport license plates with anything other than a random configuration of symbols. They are not called "vanity plates" for nothing and whereas vanity's name to Shakespeare may be "woman," to God, it is "damned;"

Any person who is under the misapprehension that a bottle of perfume or cologne, no matter how expensive, is "one application;"

People who have call waiting and use it, offering up their friends, as if in social auction, to see whom is the more worthy of their precious attention;

Anyone who wears a t-shirt that contains a complete sentence;

People who assume that simply because you haven't resorted to pulling a gun on them, you are actually interested in the story of their pedestrian life;

People who brandish wireless-phones in public places (there is a rather hot locale, with a lovely view of a lake of fire, in Hell for those who have had the temerity to have a conversation on such a device while dining with Mrs. Bowers);

People who have used the word "Illuminati" outside of the context of quoting an annoying person; and

People who use the tediously trite description that a noun was "from Hell" when not referring specifically to Satan.

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