Dear True Christians™ and Unsaved Trash™ Alike:

Glory! It's an election year (although, let's be honest, it's already seemed like several). So Jesus has called on me to make two new recruitment videos for the GOP, exploring political paradoxes that Republicans embrace with nimble values and gymnastic logic. Apparently, the GOP has regarded my selfless gifts with a snarl. Yes, not one handwritten thank you note. Such appalling ingratitude! Oh, well, my reward awaits in Glory: A lovely 24-kt solid gold mansion in the best pearly-gated community, with a tennis court that abuts Jesus' olympic-size baptism pool.

Repent & Reload: Welcome to the Theocracy!

Join the Party!

Results of the "So Close To Jesus" Competition

As faith in America is a competitive sport, I asked friends on Facebook to finish the line “So close to Jesus . . .” After over 1,000 entries, three were picked as winners and included in my “So Close to Jesus” video. They were:

“So close to Jesus, I call him Daddy instead of Father.”

“So close to Jesus, He asks me to take the wheel!”

“So close to Jesus, He sent my refrigerator to Hell, but just long enough for it to defrost.”

So Close to Jesus

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