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LONDON. (Reuters). Wishing to distance itself from evangelist/buffoon Pat Robertson after the Scottish Bank fiasco, British fashion and fabrics retailer Laura Ashley reported that is has asked Mr. Robertson to resign as a director of that company. Mr. Robertson immediately exercised his remaining director fabric options, entitling him to 12,400 bolts of cotton damask, but is reportedly holding out for Posy-and-Babysbreath wallpaper, matching lampshades, matching wastepaper bin and semi-matching window shades and tie-backs before he will turn over his key to the floral executive washroom. In the meantime, the company has approached Robertson rival Mrs. Betty Bowers to take Mr. Robertson's place. A company representative stated, "Not only does Mrs. Bowers have deeper pockets (this season), she comes with a fashion sense that, well, let's face it, Pat still wears a Johnny Carson Dacron jacket with white stitching." News that the financially beleaguered Laura Ashley was tapping into Mrs. Betty Bowers' Midas touch, and unconfirmed reports that Mrs. Bowers had already ordered that all of the Laura Ashley fabrics in warehouses be immediately dyed black, caused the stock to rally on the London Exchange. When contacted at her suite at the Villa d-Este on Lake Como, Mrs. Bowers scoffed at the idea that she would be joining Laura Ashley. "I don't know the woman. And nor would I care to. One look at all those fussy florals and I feel like reaching for a fist-full of Claritin!"
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