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Mrs. Bowers' Ex-Gay Ministry BASH Posts 347% Profit Increase for 3d Quarter. | |||
| Mrs. Bowers is wearing a whipcord suit-skirt and mousseline shirt, both by Yves Saint Laurent Couture. | ||||
| Mrs. Bowers initiates a new BASH recruit to the magic of a saved woman's touch. | ||||
| NEW YORK (AP) Mrs. Betty Bowers Ministries Holdings, LLC announced yesterday that it's third quarter profits for its ex-gay ministry Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals, Inc. were up almost 350%. Wall Street, which always expects good financial news from Mrs. Bowers, was nevertheless surprised by just how sharp the rise in profits had been. Market analysts, who had been watching the revenues of other ex-gay ministries, such as "Exodus" and "Stop Being a Damned Fag," had noted that all the other ex-gay ministries had taken an across-the-board hit during Gay Pride week in June. During this time, market watchers noted, most ex-gay members had reverted back to their ungodly homosexual lifestyle in droves so as not to miss some of the fabulous parties scheduled in New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Atlanta and other debauched cities.
So what made Mrs. Bowers' ministry different? When contacted on her Bentley car phone as she was driving along the Côte d'Azur looking for blood oranges for a her special salad dressing, Mrs. Bowers responded: "It is quite simple why we did so well even though many of our flock were seduced by the Satanic siren call of homosexual floats and tea-dances during Gay Pride week. In every BASH contract, if they lapse, I get their house or condo. It's just that simple. So, while I do enjoy bringing homosexuals to Jesus and otherwise unmarriable wives, every time one of those suckers lapses, it has a wonderful effect on our bottom line. Praise the Lord!" |
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