A Republican Responds To Jenna Bush's Arrest Without Mentioning Bill Clinton's Penis!

Republican's Failure to Resort to the Wholly Predictable is Witnessed by a Startled Nation

Mrs. Jasper Williams, Republican
(NEW YORK, NEW YORK) Last night, ABC News actually found a Republican who could talk about President Bush's problems without even once mentioning former-President Bill Clinton's crotch. During a routine segment of the program 20/20, a Mrs. Jasper Williams, of Billings, Montana was questioned about her reaction to hearing that President Bush's daughters had been cited for alcohol offenses in Austin, Texas. A shocked audience listened as Mrs. Williams completed all her comments without so much as using the crack of Mr. Clinton's backside to deflect attention away from the issue in question.

Governor Jim Gilmore, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, said that he could not account for Mrs. Williams' astonishing omission. "All our focus groups were telling us that we have successfully hammered into our followers' heads just how to deal with any and all criticism of Republican policies -- whether foreign or domestic. Before you even think about what the other person said, you mention Bill Clinton's dick," said Mr. Gilmore. "Frankly, I have to question whether this Williams chick is even a real Republican. I mean, I'm sure she's a nice lady and all, but real Republicans know the game-plan and they don't take unnecessary risks – like talking substantively or throwing in their own so-called 'ideas.' Once you let people do that, you are inviting all types of anarchistic bedlam and introspection. That's not what we are about."

When reached on Capitol Hill, Minority Leader Trent Lott (R – Miss.) responded to the broadcast with disbelief. "Well, isn't this a crazy world full of dang surprises?" whistled Mr. Lott. "For example, I never thought I'd be a leader of any minority! Hee-hee. But any Republican who responds to any criticism without mentioning Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton's pecker right off the bat just ain't on the ball. If I hadn't seen the tape I would, frankly, think you were making this up. This Williams woman owes our President an apology and I'm going to see that he gets it."

"Fwankly, I was fwabbergasted," responded Barbara Walters. "This admitted, practicing Republican spoke for almost a full minute without even obliquely alluding to what lies within our former Pwesident's underpants. This is unheard of! I mean, this is a remarkable woman. Here, I was asking what could be construed as a negative question about a Republican pwesident and this Republican woman didn't so much as mention one of Mr. Clinton's testicles. I just don't know what to make of this! This is a first and I am privileged to have been there when it happened. Truly, it is these once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that make reporting so gratifying. Well, and the money."

Home | Betty's YouTube | Terms of Service | Write to Betty |Get Betty's FREE Newsletter | Landover | Betty's Facebook

© Mrs. Betty Bowers 2000-2014 All Rights Reserved