According to Mr. Power: "For the Christian community, this is sort of like the Academy Awards -- only more visciously competitive. Mrs. Bowers is now clearly the Katherine Hepburn of these awards with this many wins. Joan of Arc, the only butch lesbian Catholic to win, is more akin to a Barbra Streisand, doing lots of outrageous, attention-getting stunts and vanity projects with high production values but still only winning once. Mary Baker Eddy is the Glenda Jackson of the "Best Christian" awards, winning twice but then fading away. I mean, who goes to her crazy church any more? Oral Roberts is sort of like the Marisa Tomei of the awards cause no one can remember why he won in the first place."

Over the last two millennia, Jesus received 1,874 "Best Christian" awards, but Mrs. Bowers successfully lobbied for his ineligibility since he was a Jew. Upon Mrs. Bowers' petition, W.W.J.D. Power had all of Jesus' awards retroactively rescinded and burned. She is now the clear title holder.

	Mrs. Betty Bowers proudly displaying her "Best Christian" awards and perfect muscle tone Mrs. Bowers is wearing Prada, hair by Anastatia, jewelry by Bulgari

"We believe this award shows that Mrs. Bowers is still the pacesetter when it comes to being holier than thou. Well, indeed, holier than anyone," begrudgingly acknowledged the soon-to-be-dead Cardinal O'Conner, a man wearing a garish scarlet dress and claiming to be a prominent official of a wholly false faith based out of Rome, Italy.

W.W.J.D. Power emphasized the significance of this award during a time of unprecedented growth within the religion industry. Explained Bowers: "I believe our Lord wants a Christian he can trust to provide him with greater customer service and panache. He wants 24 hour support, Japanese-level quality control and a spiritual exuberance that stops short of the embarrassing flamboyance of a Pentecostal gurgling saliva while flopping around in a church aisle like a dockside marlin."