|
FREEHOLD, IOWA (AP). Landover Baptist Church has issued an edict prohibiting the possession of any circular object. Every so-called "circular" item (including coins -- except Canadian) owned by anyone in the Landover Baptist congregation is to be forcibly confiscated and deposited on the soccer field of Landover Baptist Christian Academy. Searches shall be conducted on Thursday and Friday of this week and any family found in possession of anything purportedly "round" will be summarily removed from their Christian home and publicly rebuked. Infractions will be considered serious and result in immediate expulsion from the church roster once tithes are brought current.
The discovery that this once Godly Nation is full of Biblically incorrect circles was made last week in connection with the firing of five members of the mathematics department at Landover Baptist University.
"Scripture at 2 Chronicles 4:2 tells us that Solomon made a circular metal bowl that was ten cubits in diameter and thirty cubits in circumference," recounts Dean of Creation Science Mathematics, Dr. Harold Pinto. "Now, I don't need any secular guesses that Pi is equal to 3.14159265 when the Lord tells me that Pi is an even 3!"
As scientists, the Christian researchers at Landover Baptist University are honor bound to test and retest every scientific theory, including secular geometric principles. "We subject every scientific postulate to the most rigorous laboratory testing possible," confirmed Dr. Pinto. "If a scientist comes up with a hypothesis, we open our Bible and if it is already in there, we publish a paper on it. If Scripture does not support the theory, then the scientist is forbidden to ever mention it again. If he does, he is thrown out of the university and left to Satan." Using this scientifically accepted method, Landover Baptist researchers have conclusively verified that the correct value of Pi is indeed exactly 3 based upon God's Word in 2 Chronicles 4:2.
|
|
|
|
|
Baptist Creation Scientists used rulers and a big ball of string to prove that the Earth is 10,000 miles wide and exactly 30,000 miles in circumference
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
