Determine how well you know the Lord's best selling sequel to the Old Testament -- the less ribald, better edited NEW Testament.

Objective: Determine the correct answer to each question by using the ultimate source of Error-Free Truth (the New Testament) as your guide. When you are finished, get the scriptures that back up each answer by clicking here


1. We know that Jesus was born to a woman who refused to stay at receptions without endless supplies of free booze -- or have sex with anyone who wasn't a Ghost (albeit Holy). But Joseph believing her story about a "virgin birth" may not have been the only miracle! Jesus may have actually been born either Before Christ or After Christ. When was Jesus born?

Before 4 B.C.
6 A.D. or 7 A.D.
All of the above.

2. After Jesus was born in Bethlehem, Mary, Jesus and Joseph:

Called their travel agent and immediately fled to Egypt, after hearing from a gossipy angel that Herod was going to try to kill Jesus.
Did not go to Egypt at all (another angel had told them "It is so off-season!"). Instead, they nonchalantly sashayed to Jerusalem to do what all proud parents revel in doing -- killing a few birds as a charming animal sacrifice in lieu of an announcement on quality Crane papyrus.
All of the above.

3. We can understand that Joseph might have some questions about whom Jesus' father was, but we would expect him to at least keep track of his own. Who was Joseph's father?

Jacob.
Heli.
All of the above.

4. We know that Jesus' "Sermon on the Mount" was filled with a droning litany of aphorisms that modern American Christians blithely ignore, but do you know where this speech was given?

Obviously, on a mountain.
On the plains.
All of the above.

5. Once He had gotten everyone's attention with a wildly dramatic gesture, what were Jesus' very last words on the cross before He "gave up the ghost"?

"My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"
"Father, unto thy hands I commend my spirit"
"It is finished"
All of the above.

6. We know that Jesus was prophesied to spend "three nights" in the cave (as Jonah had spent in that clammy whale of his -- talk about no room at the inn!). Jesus, apparently bored after the second night, decided "enough is enough" and left. Who was the first person(s) to discover the Lord's impatience?

Mary Magdalene alone.
Mary Magdalene "and the other Mary" (presumably not Mary Wilson)
Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary, the mother of James, and other women.
All of the above.

7. We know that had the "The Most Outrageous Story Ever Told" happened today, Judas would have faired much better, getting at least $150,000 from the National Enquirer -- not a handful of silver. But what really happened to Judas?

In a rather ungrateful gesture, he threw down his silver, ran from the temple, and hanged himself.
He bought some investment property on spec with his silver and then had an unsightly fall, causing his insides to ostentatiously spill out.
All of the above.

8. We all know that the surest way to get to Heaven is to emulate Mrs. Betty Bowers to the extent allowed by our more limited piety, budget and ability to talk Jesus down from a window ledge. But what does the New Testament say is the key to being saved?

By faith ONLY; not works.
By works ONLY.
By faith AND works.
All of the above.

9. In giving His disciples tips on accessorizing their rather carelessly put together ensembles, Jesus told them that whether doing runway or proselytizing:

They were forbidden to complete an outfit with a staff.
They were required to work a staff, which everyone was showing in Judea that season.
All of the above.

10. After the Apostle Paul's conversion to our fabulous new religion:

He coyly waited three years to go to Jerusalem. The only apostles he met with there were Cephas and James (hearing that the others were so tiresome, Jesus killed Himself to flee their company).
He went immediately to Jerusalem and met with ALL of the apostles.
All of the above.


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