I'm fascinated by the rebranding of products that goes on in this ever-resourceful, credulous, crumbling America of ours.  John McCain, a selfish, spoiled, name-dropping chatterbox, who simply couldn't stop yapping to the North Vietnamese, is rebranded a selfless hero.  Sarah Palin, a lying pathological narcissist, is improbably rebranded as, well, sane. And Barrack Obama, someone who made his start being kind to the poor, is rebranded an anti-Jesus terrorist!  Well, honestly, if we Republicans can successfully rebrand Jesus himself as a bellicose materialist, is anyone truly safe from an inventive Madison Avenue make-over?

What is most entertaining about John McCain and Sarah Palin is that they don't wait for someone else to rebrand them; they are too busy marketing themselves. And they prefer their slogans as vivid as they are simple.  Barracuda!  Hero!  Pit-bull! Maverick!  It's a conceited -- and cynical -- undertaking. It is also a patronizing acknowledgement of a rather base base, which prefers a good story to a real one.

In the desperate throes of ineptitude and the toxic backwash of the frenzied hatred and racism they have coyly set in motion, Palin/McCain [sic.] have turned their hobby of repackaging on their opponent. And it's getting rather uncomfortable to watch.  And if you think what they say in public is unseemly and shocking, just wait until you see the stuff they didn't release, on an exclusive copy of their campaign attack ad bloopers:

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When John McCain constantly refers to himself as a “Maverick,” I assume he means a cheap, poorly put-together, domestic car that had its best days 30 years ago. Otherwise, I’m embarrassed for him. While self-deprecatory automotive analogies can be endearing (Gerald Ford once won America’s heart for almost a whole day by telling her that he was a Ford not a Lincoln), when McCain introduces himself as a maverick, he doesn’t sound as if he is being folksy or humble. No, it always comes across as awkward bragging.

“My friends, I’m a maverick!” It’s odd, and a bit unseemly. Good taste – and reality – require waiting for someone else to compliment or define you. It would be as if Barrack Obama constantly greeted people by saying, “Hi, I’m a great public speaker!” Or Mitt Romney walking into a room with a swagger and said, “My name is Mitt and I have really great hair!”

And let's not even get into Sarah Palin bragging about herself. It would be unfair to expect anything else.  After all, that slapdash yokel is just too brash and tacky to provide either false modesty or true facts.  She is a mean-spirited con artist, ruthlessly devoted to winning at all costs.  And, as she will constantly remind you, she's a cow (at least that's how I interpret her calling herself a 'maverick," which is just another word for cattle people don't value enough to brand).

And does the word maverick have any worth or meaning when it is used compulsively and proactively? Aren’t such people supposed to eschew predictability? Could a genuine maverick tell you how he will act for the next eight years? No, because you’re a maverick when you naturally follow your impulses. When you self-consciously call yourself a “maverick” because the word tests well with your base, you aren’t a maverick; you are a preening poser.

And you have done what no true maverick would countenance: allowed yourself to be defined by one word, a word that is little more than an advertising slogan. But when you think of yourself as simply merchandise to be sold, rather than an individual with ideas, you sell yourself, rather than your ideas. Every comment is aimed at moving product, not the conversation or voters.

Nowhere is this seen more uncomfortably than in the unseemly way McCain mechanically, and very cynically, calls upon his rather stale status as a POW. This biographical opportunism has gotten so perfunctory — so predictable — it has become just another marketing gimmick, like pretending the country comes first when every strategy and remark reveals that only winning holds such an urgent priority. And, if you’ll pardon the Evelyn Waughism, it’s rather cringe-making to listen to someone relentlessly regale you with his amazing bravery. There are reasons why you are expected to let other people (in this case, well paid political prostitutes) say such things. Otherwise, you come across as crazy or, worse, crass.

It comes down to two things: manners and common sense. Things the inane and crude Sarah Palin apparently never learned.  And things John McCain, a rude, ill-tempered serial-adulterer, is too much of a war-scared maverick to still have. Maybe those two are selling an old heap of junk after all.

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