Mrs. Pat Robertson:

Larry Flynt Has Nothing on the Lord: Using Bible Porn to Get Even a Homo Hot For You Moist Lady Parts!

Looking for a way to spice up your marriage with erotica, but wish to avoid the embarrassment of running into Pastor at your local adult bookstore? So many Christians forget that pornography is no further away than their nearest family Bible!

"Do what I do when I want to get Pat in the mood," says a flush Mrs. Robertson. "I slip out of peek-a-boo flannel teddy, draw a Calgon bath and whisper in Pat's furry, good ear about how Oholibah 'lusted after her paramours whose penises were the size of donkeys and whose ejaculations were as copious as horses.'" Ezekiel 23:20

Then, to get things really hot-hot-hot, I rat my hair like Bathsheba, drizzle myrrh-oil between my breasts and whip out the heavy artillery -- Song of Solomon:

He shall lie all night betwixt my breasts. 1:13

Our heroine takes her lover into her mother's bedroom and asks not to be disturbed till he please. 3:4-5

Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins. 4:5, 7:3

Thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine. 7:8

I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. 2:3

There are threescore queens, and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number. 6:8

(And in case he missed the bit about my fabulous titties:)

We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts ... But my breasts [are] like towers. 8:8, 10
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