I want to tell you the most wonderful thing that ever happened in my life. Mrs. Bowers' B.A.S.H. ministry led me out of the pastime of homosexuality (the best $3,000 I ever spent!) - and right into the arms of Jesus. Ever since that day, I am never ever faced with a predicament that I don't have a ready answer for. No matter the quandary, I can turn to Jesus - and He will lead me to the right decision. All I ever have to do is ask myself, "What would Jesus do?"

Before finding Jesus, I would go out shopping and haul back bags of ill-conceived wardrobe accessories. No more! For example, the other day I was at T. J. Maxx. I looked at a linen-colored polo shirt. Then back at the periwinkle. Which one to buy? I'd love to get both, but could barely afford one. Two would be sinful. So, I asked myself what I always ask myself when faced with such a moral dilemma: What Would Jesus Do? The answer came to me immediately. He would chose the linen. It has that deliciously understated quality that would allow the King of Kings to mix without remark with even the lowest dregs of humanity. And versatility is an important component to any wardrobe. I grabbed the lighter shirt and walked to the register with the sure step of purpose that only comes from knowing God regards you as a smart shopper. But just as I handed the sales clerk my linen polo, it hit me. What Would Jesus Do? Yes, He would do linen. Definitely. But only before the crucifixion. After the ascension, he would surely go for the more showy "look what I did" periwinkle. I then knew that He meant for me to have both. Isn't God good to us?

I have come to rely on Jesus for all my earthly decisions. When picking wallpaper for the guest powder room, I surveyed hundreds of samples at The Home Depot and asked myself What Would Jesus Do? He surprised me by going with a gold flocked number with red cupids. Not something I would have chosen. But you should see how well it works with red velveteen curtains He picked out! Since finding Jesus, my life is so much easier. When presented at a restaurant with several yummy choices of specials, I always ask What Would Jesus Do and am NEVER disappointed. Even though Jesus tends to eat a lot more red met than I would care for (people who know they are never going to see 40 tend not to worry about cholesterol!), He has an unerring sense for which vegetable colors most surprisingly complement the palette of the sauce.

You know, people say that even though homosexuals are sick and going to Hell, they have the best taste in things. So, isn't this the cutest little ironic twist of them all? Since leaving homosexuality, thanks to the fabulous discrimination and knowingly-retro sense of Jesus, my taste in clothing, food and car accessories has never been more keen. Jesus Christ has given me the one thing that was always lacking in my life - cachet! I am the envy of my friend! Praise the Lord!